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[icon] pure insanity
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Current Music:five bolt main
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Time:11:47 am
Current Mood:indescribablespeechless
what a fuckin psycho....
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Current Music:schism
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Time:02:40 pm
Current Mood:crusheddestroyed
rest in peace grandpa i miss you like crazy already.
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Current Music:tool - schism
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Time:12:47 pm
Current Mood:depresseddepressed
my ulcer hurts like a motherfucker and i feel like i'm going to throw up.

this is going to be one of the hardest days of my life.

i just have to stay strong and do the best that i can.







fuck.
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Current Music:the football game scary is watching
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Time:03:57 pm
Current Mood:contentcontent
so i had my esophagogastroduodenoscopy yesterday and it was a piece of cake. the iv was the worst part because i was sleeping for the rest of it. i guess they had a bitch of a time getting me to snap out of the coma they induced upon me. i sleep like a rock what can i say. they snipped biopsy samples of my esophagus and stomach to test and i'll get the results back in a week or so. i'm ready to see what in the fuck is wrong with me. an ulcer could still be in the picture i guess.

i'm pretty sure i can drink now but i'll just have to chill and do it in moderation as opposed to my using drink til i projectile vomit attitude. it's a sacrifice i am willing to make as long as i don't have to feel like the raging pile of shit i felt like all break long.

i move back tomorrow to my apartment. i am flippin excited to be wild and crazy again but sad too because i had fun hangin with the rents over break.

ok time to go watch some quality programming.

byebyebye
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Current Music:whatever is on tv
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Time:11:24 pm
Current Mood:tiredtired
so the verdict is in...i have to be put under and have a camera shoved down my throat to see about this so-called ulcer i have. and to make it even worse - i'm having it done on friday the 13th. so not cool.

but at this point i don't care what they do i just want this "ulcer" to be gone. i can't eat even grapes without getting a severe pain from acid reflux/heartburn and i haven't been able to sleep at all in 3 days because i can't lay down. i sleep in the recliner in the living room for about 2 hours a night if i'm lucky. i'm tired and it's wearing me down because after no sleep i have to work at the med ass for 8.5 hours and be on my feet all day. i'm trying not to be crabby but i am so flippin tired all the time.

friday the 13th please hurry.

ulcer please fuck off.

i'm not allowed to drink alcohol at all (not even a crappy soda) until this ulcer is gone. SO GO AWAY
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Security:
Time:11:15 pm
Current Mood:frustratedfrustrated
"...We all begin with good intent
When love was raw and young
We believe that we can change ourselves
The past can be undone
But we carry on our back the burden time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I've held so dear..."


i had an icky traumatic experience today. i thought i would have been better with it than i was. fuckfuckpieceofshitmotherfucker. i wish i could hit a button and none of it ever happened. i don't care about all the things i may or may not have learned from it - i just don't want to to affect me anymore.
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Current Music:five.bolt.main.
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Time:11:07 pm
Current Mood:nervousnervous
i can't wait until thursday.
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Time:10:46 pm
i am stressed the fuck out. seriously. shit.
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Current Music:flaw
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Subject:"only the strong survive" -flaw
Time:11:10 pm
Current Mood:coldcold
...It's mine, it's pure and as decent as i can make myself.
Inside, we all know, only the strong survive.

Why don't you think about that?
so now i'm bleeding on myself yes once again.
seems i trusted another deceitful freind. my fault. should've known the deal.
keep your friends close, but your enemies closer, for real.
seems easy, but nothing could be so hard. trying to guess lifes
dealing. what's the next card? I'm surely folding.
i don't like this hand at all.

[chorus]

Keep those eyes wide open, here comes a blind side.

maybe things happen for a reason and wherein lies the answer.
to overcome the grieving of lifes unruly lessons. i'm handed
in sucession. it builds my pain which makes me strong...
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Current Music:howie day
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Time:12:25 am
Current Mood:aggravatedaggravated
acid reflux, heartburn, ulcer, a gremlin, whatever this shit this is is causing me an obscene amount of pain. i can't even lay down. ppaaiaiiiin. was it the taco dip you gremlin-assed-pileofdung? i won't eat anymore. i promise. you win. fuck. ughhhh it hurts. heellppp.
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[icon] pure insanity
View:Recent Entries.
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